Monastics were so connected to the human suffering of that pain that they set their bodies on fire. What would you do if he doesn’t leave or is the type to go, “Oh, in that case I’ll pull up a chair!”? Our country was devastated at unprecedented levels by chemical and physical warfare. cheerful people around. Thanks for signing up! A: I understand why you fear your partner’s dubious (“at best”) reaction, but consider the alternatives: If you don’t say anything and simply stop having sex with him without explanation, your relationship will suffer, and if you don’t say anything and try to fake enjoyment during something that now feels like a “painful chore,” your relationship will suffer (not to mention your own individual suffering). Asian cultural practices are – with painful frequency – stripped of their context and meaning. A: I’m not too worried about this neighbor just yet because it doesn’t seem like the letter writer has offered any cues yet, just engaged in friendly, long-winded conversations while secretly hoping he wanders away. But I encourage all of us to – yes – be more mindful of how we can honor and respect Buddhism as a spiritual practice with meaning and value. Read what Nicole Cliffe had to say. If you’ve ever met a monastic, then you know they’re some of the most lighthearted and cheerful people around. By joining Slate Plus you support our work and get exclusive content. What makes it possible for things like Lesser Evil chips to exist is an understanding of Buddhism that’s limited to physical goals like eliminating stress in your workday or pesticides in the food you eat. There was a moment in the ‘90s when they were all over the movies and big wigs used them as jokes to establish a sense of calm. It tells us that the items and beliefs we hold dear and sacred are meaningless nick knacks or empty sayings you can make into cat memes. See you all next week. He has chronic, severe depression and hasn’t been participating in his treatment, he has problems with drugs (which he refuses to acknowledge), and after losing his last job he’s been so picky that his job search has been totally ineffective. I think the safer option is to keep quiet, but I’m afraid of losing what could potentially be a loving romantic relationship. You can manage your newsletter subscriptions at any time. He thinks he’ll get a job and move back to our state in that same time frame. He only does this when he is in a high chair or car seat. But I think our relationship has taken on a new charge lately, and I like it, and if you feel the same way, I think we should give it a shot” is likely to go over pretty well. Something can be painful and true and reasonable all at the same time. LGBTQIA, Used by hundreds of universities, non-profits, and businesses. Q. Help us keep publishing more like it by becoming a member! Lots of best friends are affectionate, but if yours has suddenly started holding your hand on long walks together, cuddling on the couch, and suggesting the possibility of sex and romance, I think you can safely say the signs are there. They’re a beautiful array of colors, easy to find (especially in Berkeley), and seemingly a great decorative element. For the price of a single lunch out, you can help save us. Their biological mother was a waste of space, but my stepsister is pregnant with a girl and plans to name her Amelia. It reached the point where I started inviting him to everything to avoid his complaining about not being invited. And sometimes I wonder, A short Pinterest search yielded Tibetan prayer flags used for a, “Nepal themed” room, a professional photo shoot, and – my favorite – a, There seems to be an increasing understanding that white people wearing headdresses at Coachella is, I know this because the perpetrators in this case are, And while I love these folks (I’m still listening to. We’re going to get back to [dinner/our conversation/stargazing], so I can’t keep catching up, but have a great rest of the evening” could be met with “Oh, I’d love to join you for [dinner/stargazing/whatever]” as he sits himself down. • Call the voicemail of the Dear Prudence podcast at 401-371-DEAR (3327) to hear your question answered on a future episode of the show. Danny M. Lavery: Thanks, everyone! There was no awareness, no connection, no depth. That’s not to say that her life won’t ever be informed by her appearance, but regardless she’s going to have a Black parent, a Black extended family, a Black history, and a relationship to Blackness that’s all her own, one that’s not dependent on the judgment of white strangers. I like this neighbor and he’s a great guy, but I can’t seem to enjoy alone time outside with my family without him coming over. And joy is, of course, a Buddhist tenet. If strangers ask intrusive questions or indirectly communicate surprise upon meeting your daughter, they are being rude and entitled. Alec Baldwin’s wife, Hilaria Baldwin, denies accusations of cultural appropriation and offers no apology in a new interview with the New York Times addressing her … We had an unhealthy dynamic in which I prioritized his needs over mine. However, when mindfulness and presence are used exclusively as ways to physically improve an individual person’s life, we’re missing the point of Buddhism. You’re not proposing anything illegal, and it doesn’t sound like you’ve made promises to your ex you don’t intend to keep, since you’ve made your case to him about wanting to keep the dog. ShareTweet29K Shares I am a cis woman divorcing my husband of four years (I initiated it). They too fear cultural appropriation, except that in this case it means the loss of the privileges that were long a benefit of whiteness, privileges which people of color appear to be taking. Is there an option here I’m not seeing? A: Invite your friends to hang out with you—just you, by yourself, and make it clear in your invitation that you’re looking for one-on-one time, or at least time without your partner. Re: My neighbor thinks he’s family: Some people blithely ignore cues like the one you suggested. That doesn’t mean he’ll never recover, or that keeping your mouth shut is a healthy alternative. I suppose my point is that I don’t want to be an asshole, and I feel like it may be problematic for me to have these displayed, but I also appreciate the symbolism behind them. Because racial justice is an integral part of a Buddhism. I have essentially become our event planner. The Kardashian family has a long history of appropriation, and continue to build their empire with little regard for the communities from which … But the extremely low wages make it nearly impossible to afford prison services and basic necessities.”, Which means that while eating better and being more physically healthy are admirable aims for the general wellness of people everywhere, they’re not necessarily Buddhist – because they emphasize. You and your ex in fact seem to have already agreed to this arrangement. Click to learn more, 4 Signs You’re Culturally Appropriating Buddhism – And Why It’s Important Not to, Buddhism is a religion practiced by nearly, Suffering exists; it has a cause; it has an end; and it has a cause to bring about its end.”, After all, if they knew more about Buddhism, they might be aware of the, But resistance to uprooting of spiritual work has been particularly acute and strong in Native communities. Cultural appropriation is not just about who does or doesn’t get to participate in, wear, or try other cultures. Q. However, it’s also been taken up as something that’s “cool,” marketable, and consumable. Buddhism is a religion practiced by nearly 500 million people. But few of these things are actually touching upon zen Buddhist teachings. I can’t tell my stepdad or my stepsisters. But I have to explore this part of myself. By the Babylon Bee. Adrian is fine, but I don’t like it. Baby names and cultural appropriation: My husband is Black, and I’m white. I’ve been supporting him financially and emotionally for years with nothing in return and finally decided I’m done. Thank you! I think it could help, if the letter writer is willing, to set up a time once every month/week/fortnight/whatever to invite your neighbor over, and in setting up this arrangement make clear that that is the only time you are entertaining. Q. And you'll never see this message again. His only social life is through friends he met through me and only when I take the initiative to make plans, and friends always invite my partner when they have parties because it’s just assumed we will come together. Talking about it isn’t that much riskier—it just means you’re acknowledging what’s already there. Cultural Appropriation news and opinion. We're an independent feminist media site led entirely by people of color. Q. Lost your password? Really, mindfulness is a crucial part of living an ethical and good life. • Send questions for publication to email@example.com. Which means that while eating better and being more physically healthy are admirable aims for the general wellness of people everywhere, they’re not necessarily Buddhist – because they emphasize you above all else. I’m not going to knock mindfulness. In this case, instead of zen, it’s enlightenment. Obviously the fact that you live together makes things a little more complicated. is another example of employing Buddhism to create catchphrases. The others are surnames so seem a bit odd. Folks like the Buddhist Peace Fellowship see it as a foundational “cultivate the conditions for peace, social justice, and environmental sustainability within our selves, our communities, and the world.”. But this is the exact kind of suffering Buddhism seeks to stop. The beer bills itself as “something consistently good natured,” complete with a laughing Buddha on the bottle itself. Would that be a terrible thing to do? You buy it because it looks cool, and the only people who benefit are you and the corporation that’s mass-producing these items for a profit. For instance, Whole Foods used to sell these Lesser Evil chips. All contents © 2021 The Slate Group LLC. My partner needs their own social life: When my partner and I first started dating years ago, if I would go to a party or to hang out with friends, he would get upset if I didn’t invite him. You will receive a link to create a new password via email. If you were, that’s fine. Buddhism is complex, comprised of countless teachings and challenging practices. It will hurt them. Recently I’ve been doing a lot of therapy and soul-searching. Q. Can I feel OK not explaining that she’s mixed-race every time we tell someone her name and inevitably get weird looks from other white people? I’m just afraid I’m seeing something that’s not actually there. Using words like zen to entice consumers with a sense of calm and happiness has become woefully commonplace. Dear Beloved Reader, we're going to be real with you. We’ve stopped using the fire pit/seating area outside because of fears we’ll have to entertain the neighbor for hours. You can’t control it, and it would be wrong to object or to ask her to reconsider, but you can feel as angry and frustrated and grief-stricken as you need to in private, and to work through those feelings as best you can on your own. It is stupid. Help! Buddhism is often used in this way to connote harmless – and indeed, ethical – fun. It’s an incredibly important part of Buddhism to be present and intentional with your thoughts and actions. We’ve been trying for a baby lately, and while thinking up names, my husband suggested his mom’s name if it’s a girl. Assume that he will be sad and hurt. But this beer and the lotion before it are prime examples of redefining Buddhism to erase its commitment to a greater social good and replace that aim with capitalist profit. What cultural appropriation is The name is a bit of a mouthful, but cultural appropriation happens when a dominant culture takes things from another culture that is experiencing oppression. I am in a committed relationship, but we are miles away from marriage and kids—but it is my name. Commiseration? All they know is that you always bring him to parties and get-togethers, so they have every reason to assume that’s how you prefer to socialize. I don’t want people to see two “white people” together and assume that I just co-opted a name most often used by Black women because I thought it was cool or trendy. You pray before bed. Even more recently, one of my favorite movies, Thank You for Smoking, portrayed a Japanese man raking a presumable zen garden in the lobby of a giant Hollywood film agency where big tobacco executives are colluding to sell cigarettes to the masses. Lucky Buddha Enlightened Beer is another example of employing Buddhism to create catchphrases. Just about who does or doesn ’ t accept this on a gut level own risk Perry, and.... Fashion industry is a religion practiced by nearly 500 million people around the world with our intersectional feminist and. Came to America or Britain, they shouldn ’ t accept this on gut! Job and move back soon without any trouble – and indeed, ethical – fun &... T really Buddhist at all, prayer flags are used like confetti,,... May be somewhat simple, their history is not necessarily simple you ask that then you know ’... About acts of cultural lifting in both academia and the feminist Wire been doing a lot therapy! 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